i was always 100% committed to having a girlfriend and treating her the best that i could possibly do , but after ….two long term relationships, and a few short ones in between those…all ending almost the same way. except for the most recent one, i’m thinking i should just wait, and not put the effort in anything for trying and just see if maybe this about to be 27 year old man can find a girl that wants to find him instead of the other way around. because as much as people might think, i’m a good guy, a great steal, and i will do anything for my girlfriend, i will just have to wait till the girl that’s right for me, finds me… i’m tired of searching, then finding someone, then having them leave me, i want a girl who isn’t scared of trials or tribulations, i want a girl who can put up with everything as long as at the end of the day, we both love each other and would die for each other. I would have died for every single girlfriend i’ve ever had, i still would, one of them who isn’t with us anymore i wish i could take her place because she was a spark of life for a lot of people, i’m nothing to no one… theirs people that deserve to be happy and then theirs people like me…who have to hope/pray that one day i find someone who is fine with me the way i am ( just like i am with the girls i have dated, I’ve always loved them for exactly the way they are, never wanted them to change) because i’m not going to change and i dont expect anyone else to. i generally get everyone, i think everyone has a reason for the way they are, why they do what they do, and love who they love….every time i think I’ve found the right person for me….couple years pass and they leave me… i’m done fighting for love…my uncle is almost 60 and has never been married , never had a long term relationship, and he is happy just the way he is…so if i end up that way i’m not going to ashamed of it, i would love to have kids and be a family with someone, but if theirs no one out there for me then, i’m not going to try anymore. ME, MYSELF, AND I.
i hate myself, and i miss someone, that i never got to be with as long as i had hoped to. now being stuck, broken, i still think about her but she has moved on, already “loving” someone else, such effort and love and devotion put into something that ends in a blink of an eye…whats the point in trying anyways if thats how its always going to end. all i have is memories of past relationships… i dont wanna move on, i wanna stay, right here where it hurts the most. being alone, and being unwanted, not needed, never cared about, not having a person to love, or someone who loves me, i wanna stay right here where i belong, in the hell i brought upon myself for things i didn’t mean to do. I ruin everything and no one deserves to be with me, and i dont deserve anyone either. I have given up on that but i will not give up on trying to better myself. love, dating, friendship, thats all just words…i will be selfish, and i will survive, because without that idea i’m just suffering everyday knowing how happy everyone is with someone else. …..someone that i will probably never have.